have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
