i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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