I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
