We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
