we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
