my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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