i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
