umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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