Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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