ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize