He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
