Welp...herpes.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
