I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
there is glitter all over my balls
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