All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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