we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Did you just see the Batmobile???
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
