Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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