I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
