i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
