I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
