woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
