Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
