Please, let me fuck your mom
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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