the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
