I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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