she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
