Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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