Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When are your genitals available?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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