Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
