She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
