is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
