Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
