dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
are you so shy because you have an std?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
