He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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