did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
