every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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