I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
