i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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