I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
