I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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