what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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