i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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