i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
