She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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