Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize