they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
