I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We were destined to go to rehab together
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
