They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
