I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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