Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
