Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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