life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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