okay pat passed out under dana's car
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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