i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
