If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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