O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize