I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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