I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think people are normalizing furries
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
