I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
3 2 1 whiskey
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
