I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
