dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
