my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize