a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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