I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
