I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
