just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
