Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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